Mike and Susan are dressed nicely and seated at a table in a fancy restaurant.
Mary Alice: "Exactly one year had passed since the night Mike Delfino and Susan Mayer were supposed to become engaged. So when Mike took Susan to her favorite restaurant, she just knew he was going to pop the question."
Mike: "What are you gonna have?"
Mary Alice: "And when he did..."
Susan: "The chicken."
Mary Alice: "She'd be ready with her answer. But as the evening wore on, the moment Susan had been waiting for...failed to materialize. And though many opportunities presented themselves...the question was never asked. Until the thought began to dawn on Susan that perhaps...it never would."
Mike drives Susan home. Susan looks upset.
Mike: "Pretty quiet over there. Was dinner okay?"
Susan: "If by okay, you mean uneventful, then yes."
Mike: "Something on your mind?"
Susan: "Mike, what day is today?"
Mike: "Um, Wednesday."
Susan: "Yes. It's also the anniversary of the day we were supposed to get engaged. A year ago tonight, you were on your way to ask me to marry you when you got hit by that stupid car."
Mike: "Wow, that was a year ago? Time really flies.'
Susan: "Is that all you have to say?"
Mike: "Why are you getting mad?"
Susan: "I thought you were gonna propose tonight."
Mike: "Susan, why would I want to commemorate the anniversary of the night that some maniac put me in a coma?"
Susan: "Because this date has special meaning for us. I sat in front of that trailer for six hours thinking you hated me, and a proposal would've brought the entire thing full circle. It would've turned a bad memory into a beautiful one."
Mike: "You really thought this through, didn't you?"
Susan: "Yes, I did, because I am a thoughtful person. And whenever we do get married, that is something you are gonna have to work on."
Mike: "I'll do my best. By the way..."
He pulls onto their street and gestures to something in front of them.
Mike: "...that seem familiar?"
Susan's trailer is set up exactly as it was from a year ago, with a dinner for two set up in the front.
Susan: "Oh, my god. I can't believe that you did this."
Mike: "Well, I wanted to...how'd you put it? Turn a bad memory into a beautiful one. Now go sit in front of that trailer. I promise I'll show up this time."
Susan gets out of the truck and goes to sit down at the table. Inside the truck, Mike pulls out an engagement ring and looks at it.
Mary Alice: "Yes, Susan knew Mike was about to pop the question--the one she feared he'd never ask."
Mike kneels down in front of Susan and puts the open ring box on the table.
Susan: "Oh, Mike."
Mary Alice: "And thanks to Susan..."
Susan: "Will you marry me?"
Mary Alice: "He never did. Luckily, it wasn't the question she needed to hear."
Mike: "I kind of had a speech prepared, but...sure. What the heck?"
Mary Alice: "It was the answer."
LYNETTE'S HOUSE - MORNING
Tom and Lynette are sleeping.
Mary Alice: "From the moment we wake up in the morning..."
Tom wakes up and turns to Lynette.
Tom: "What time is it?"
LYNETTE'S HOUSE - EVENING
Mary Alice: "Till our head hits the pillow at night..."
Lynette has just gotten into bed when Tom turns to her.
Tom: "Did you lock the front door?"
Mary Alice: "Our lives are filled with questions..."
Later, Tom is in the bathroom trying to get his shaving cream to come out of the container.
Tom: "Did you remember to buy more shaving cream?"
Mary Alice: "...simple ones that are easy to answer."
Later, Tom is trying different expressions on his face while looking in the mirror. Lynette walks by.
Tom: "Can I still pull this look off?"
The whole Scavo family is eating breakfast at the kitchen table. Nobody is talking.
Mary Alice: "But some questions are so dangerous, the truth...is not an option."
Parker: "Are you mad at daddy?"
Lynette: "No. Why would you think that?"
Parker: "'Cause you're not talking to him."
Lynette: "Well, when two people have known each other as long as mommy and daddy have, they don't have to always talk. In fact, a sign of a good relationship is being comfortable in silence."
Tom: "That's true. Although mommy ignoring me last night at work wasn't exactly what I'd call comfortable."
Lynette: "Well, daddy probably didn't notice that I was unloading twenty-pound bags of flour 'cause he still can't lift them, so mommy didn't exactly have time to sit around and chew the fat."
Tom: "Well, you haven't wanted to chew the fat for five days now. Come on, Lynette, something's obviously bugging you."
Lynette: "You wanna know what's bugging me? I'm trying to have a lovely breakfast with my family, and you're picking a fight."
Tom: "Who's fighting? I just wanna talk."
Lynette: "There's nothing to talk about, okay? Just leave me alone."
Parker: "Sorry I asked."
Mike is eating breakfast and reading the paper while Susan makes phone calls.
Susan: "Hey, François, it's Susan Mayer. Um, call me as soon as you get this. I know I told you that my wedding is off, but it's back on, and I wanna see if you're still available to do the flowers. Bye. Oh, um, just so you know, Ian's not the groom anymore. Long story. Call me."
She hangs up the phone.
Susan: "There. I think I left messages for everyone. Are you sure it's okay for us to have the same wedding I was planning with Ian? Be honest."
Mike: "Well, I stole his bride. I guess I can poach his florist."
Susan: "Gosh, I just keep thinking there's someone I've forgotten to tell. Caterer, band, florist..."
Susan: "Oh, my god! I had Julie call and cancel everyone."
Mike: "Just call 'em back."
Susan: "You can't invite people to a wedding on the phone. You have to send a proper invitation. You want people to think I'm a complete flake?"
She dials a number on the phone.
Susan: "Hi, Curt. Susan Mayer. You did my wedding invitations? Uh, I'm gonna need another batch. Exactly the same, only change the name Ian Hainsworth to Mike Delfino. Long story. Call me."
She hangs up.
Victor walks up to Gabrielle.
Victor: "Hey, what's with the frown? You trying to get wrinkles before the wedding?"
Gabrielle: "No. I can't find a good flower girl. Lynette keeps hinting for me to use Penny. But I saw her in that preschool sing-along, and I am sorry, but we are talking zero charisma."
Victor: "You know, I had a thought about the flower girl."
Gabrielle: "You did?"
Victor: "My cleaning lady has a daughter...where's that picture?"
He finds a photo album and pulls out a picture, then hands it to Gabrielle.
Victor: "Look familiar?"
Gabrielle: "Oh, my god. She looks just like me when I was that age!"
Victor: "Yeah, that's what I thought. See, this way, the wedding procession starts with you as this beautiful little girl, and ends with you as the stunning bride that you've become."
Gabrielle: "I love that you're so into this wedding. Most men would be like, "yeah, yeah, tell me where the church is," but you're as obsessed as me. You're like a hot groom and a gay best friend all rolled into one."
Victor: "Well, can you blame me for wanting to make everything as perfect as you?"
Carlos is on the couch when Edie comes down the stairs, looking worn out.
Carlos: "Feel better?"
Edie: "Yeah. There must've been a bad scallop in that paella last night."
Carlos: "You'd think that half-bottle of tequila you drank would've disinfected it."
Mike walks in.
Mike: "Oh. Sorry to interrupt. I'm just, uh, moving some stuff over to Susan's house."
Edie: "You two shacking up now?"
Mike: "Actually, we're getting married."
Carlos: "You're kidding! Congratulations!"
Carlos stands up and he and Mike shake hands and hug.
Carlos: "You don't waste any time."
Mike: "Well, you know, I've already wasted a year. I don't want to wake up one more day without her lying next to me."
Edie: "Oh, god. Here comes what's left of breakfast."
Mike: "And, uh, you two better be careful. All this wedding fever going around...you might catch it."
Mike heads upstairs.
Carlos: "Yeah, right!"
Edie stares at Carlos.
Edie: "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize the concept of our being married was such a thigh-slapper."
Carlos: "Come on, Edie. Look, it's way too soon for us to be talking marriage. We only just started dating."
Edie: "Oh, I know, but...well, we could live together. We're either at my house or your house every night anyway."
Carlos: "Yeah...true, but..."
Edie: "Well, why not? And we're not kids anymore, Carlos, and, I mean, I really care about you. Don't you care about me?"
Carlos: "Of course I do."
Carlos: "I just took over Mike's lease yesterday."
Edie: "Oh, please. Old lady Sims can find another tenant."
Carlos: "Edie, I already signed the papers. Look, I have a responsibility. You know, that rent helps pay for her nursing home. You understand, right?"
Edie walks up to Mrs. Sims, who's reading a book at a table outside.
Edie: "Mrs. Sims?"
Mrs. Sims: "E-Edie? Edie Britt?"
Edie: "Hi! Are you up for a visit?"
Mrs. Sims: "Well, of course! Oh! What a nice surprise! I haven't seen you for years."
Edie: "Oh, I know, and I feel awful about that. I have always liked you so much. You know, Wisteria Lane hasn't been the same since you left."
Mrs. Sims: "Well, with my arthritis, I just couldn't live alone anymore. But what I get from renting more than pays for this place."
Edie: "Ooh! Well, that's good. Although with Mike Delfino getting married, your house is gonna be empty now."
Mrs. Sims: "Actually, no. A friend of Mike's just signed a lease-- a very nice man. Oh, what was his name? Uh...it's here somewhere.""
She pulls out a copy of the lease from her purse.
Mrs. Sims: "Uh, Carlos Solis."
Edie: "Oh, dear."
Mrs. Sims: "What?"
Edie: "What did Mike tell you about Carlos?"
Mrs. Sims: "Oh, just that he's a nice, responsible man."
Edie: "Oh. Well, he is when he's sober."
Mrs. Sims: "He has a drinking problem?"
Edie: "Well, actually, what I heard is...oh, what am I doing? I shouldn't be indulging in idle gossip."
Mrs. Sims: "Edie, please!"
Edie: "Smack. He does smack."
Mrs. Sims: "What? Good heavens! Oh, well...he seemed such a nice man when I met him, and he's got a good job."
Edie: "I know. What is that term? Functional junkie."
Mrs. Sims: "This is very upsetting. Maybe I should rethink this."
Edie: "No! I should learn to shut my big mouth. I mean, here I am, blathering on about drugs and prostitutes."
Mrs. Sims: "Prostitutes? You never said anything about prostitutes."
Edie: "And I'm not going to. Frankly...I don't want to be on his bad side."
Mrs. Sims: "Edie, I can't have someone like that in my house. I have to tear up this lease."
Edie: "Oh, no, I can't let you do that! Not with your arthritis. Here. You let me."
She takes the lease from Mrs. Sims and tears it up.
OUTSIDE SUSAN'S HOUSE
Gabrielle comes jogging up to Susan as Susan is getting her mail.
Gabrielle: "Oh, Susan! Julie told me about Ian. I am so sorry. You must be devastated."
She hugs Susan. Mike walks into the house carrying boxes.
Mike: "Hey, Gaby."
Gabrielle: "I see you've picked up the pieces."
Susan: "We got engaged last night. We're getting married!"
Gabrielle: "Oh, my god! Congratulations!"
They hug again.
Susan: "So forget what Julie told you about the wedding being off. It's back on."
Gabrielle: "Really? Same day?"
Susan: "Yep! I promised people a wedding, and they are getting one."
Gabrielle: "Well, I'm sorry. I can't make it. I have plans that day."
Susan: "Oh, you could change your plans."
Gabrielle: "No, I really can't."
Susan: "Well, what could be more important to you than my wedding?"
Gabrielle: "Uh...my wedding?"
Gabrielle gestures to the mail that Susan is holding. Gabrielle's wedding invitation is on top.
Gabrielle: "Oh, I see you got the invitation!"
Susan: "You're getting married on my wedding day?"
Gabrielle: "Well, you canceled, and Victor was kind of in a rush because he didn't think it'd look good for the mayor to be shacking up. And every day we tried, someone had a conflict. And then your date opened up, and we knew all my friends were available, and, well...you know, you, too."
Mike comes up behind Susan.
Mike: "Uh, it's really no problem. We'll find another date."
Susan: "Gaby, did you really think I would want to spend what would've been my wedding day watching someone else get married?"
Gabrielle: "I am so throwing the bouquet to you!"
Susan: "Okay, if you think for one second..."
Mike: "It's fine. Really. Come on, Susan. We've got some calls to make."
He leads Susan into the house.
Susan: "Oh, right! I have to cancel my wedding...again!"
Susan knocks on Gabrielle's front door. Gabrielle answers, but looks nervous.
Gabrielle: "Susan. Hi."
Susan: "Is this a bad time?"
Gabrielle: "I'm kind of in the middle of something."
Susan: "Okay, well, I just wanted to say that I'm sorry for getting so snippy yesterday, that when I canceled my wedding, you had every right to..."
A Frenchman's voice is heard in the background.
Francois: "Susan? Susan? Is that my Susan?"
The man comes to the door.
Francois: "I am so sorry that I could not do your wedding flowers. But the moment you canceled, your friend here--she, uh...how you say? Scoop me up."
He goes back into the living room.
Susan: "You stole my florist?"
Gabrielle: "Only because I admire your taste. It's not theft. It's an homage."
Francois comes back to the door.
Francois: "I left the bouquet and the centerpiece on the table. If there are any changes, you let me know. Au revoir."
Gabrielle: "Well, I gotta go."
Susan: "I wanna see those flowers."
She pushes her way into the house and goes into the living room.
Susan: "Oh, my god, that's my centerpiece!"
Gabrielle: "Oh, what, now you suddenly have the trademark on peach tulips?"
Susan: "In this town in wedding season? Yeah, I do. You might as well have used my caterer and my swing band."
Gabrielle: "Yeah. Listen, about that..."
Susan: "Oh, my god. Did you steal my whole wedding?"
Gabrielle: "It was short notice, okay? These people are booked months in advance. The only people available were thones you just bailed on."
Susan: "Gaby, I spent months planning that wedding."
Gabrielle: "Oh, I see what you're getting at. And you know what? You are right. You have been my de facto wedding planner, and you deserve to get paid. All right, what's the going rate? Seven thousand? Eight thousand?"
Gabrielle: "All right, ten thousand. I'm not gonna haggle."
Susan: "I don't want to be paid. I want my wedding back."
Gabrielle: "Well, you can't have it. And if you ask me, I am doing you a really big favor."
Susan: "Excuse me?'
Gabrielle: "You are rushing into this marriage thing way too fast. Why don't you give it some time and see if you and me work as a couple?"
Susan: "I'm rushing? You met Victor three months ago. I've known Mike three years."
Gabrielle: "Yeah, on and off. Mostly off. What if you tie the knot in a month and realize that you miss Ian and Mike misses the coma?"
Susan: "I cannot believe that you just said that. Okay, you know what? I came over here to give you my response card. But here. This is my response."
She tears up the response card she had been holding.
Gabrielle: "You don't mean that. That's just a big dramatic gesture."
Susan: "Oh? No.No, this is a big dramatic gesture."
She grabs the centerpiece and throws it against the wall, where it crashes.
Gabrielle: "My flowers!"
Susan: "No. They're my flowers! Enjoy your stolen wedding!"
She grabs some of the flowers and runs out of the house.
OUTSIDE MIKE'S HOUSE
Edie is carrying a bag of groceries to her house when she sees Carlos arguing with a man in front of Mike's house.
Carlos: "You can't do this! I just signed a lease!
Man: "I'm sorry. The law says my mom has seventy-two hours to change her mind. She's exercising that option.
The man gets into his car and drives off.
Edie: "Hey! What's going on?"
Carlos: "I've been evicted."
Carlos: "Yeah. That was Mrs. Sims' kid. She's giving me twenty-four hours to move out of her house."
Edie: "That is so weird."
Carlos: "It gets weirder. He told me Mrs. Sims is praying for my spiritual recovery."
Edie: "Oh. Well, when old folks see the end coming, they get all religious."
Carlos: "I guess. So mind if I crash with you until I can find a new place?"
Edie: "Of course not."
Carlos: "Thanks. I'll bring my stuff over in the morning."
Edie: "Ooh, why wait? I've got boxes in the garage. I'll help you start packing now."
Carlos: "Edie...did you have something to do with this?"
Carlos: "You have to admit, it is kind of a coincidence. You ask me to move in, I say no, I get evicted."
Edie: "How dare you. I offer to put a roof over your head, and you repay me with suspicions and insults? I don't even know that I want you in my house."
Carlos: "Fine. I'll get a motel."
Edie: "Oh, whoa! Uh, hold on. Let's not be hasty."
Carlos: "I knew it. You were behind this."
Edie: "Okay. If you wanna fight, fine. But let's talk about the real issue here. I mean, why are you so reluctant to make a commitment to me?"
Carlos: "I told you. I don't want to talk about this."
Edie: "Well, you never do, but you owe me an explanation. I mean, why don't you want to move in with me?"
Carlos: "Because I'm not in love with you. Edie, I'm sorry. I really like you..."
Edie: "No, I get it. I...it's just a little upsetting because...I'm late."
Carlos: "Ed, you can't be pregnant.You're on the pill."
Edie: "Yeah, well, I might've forgotten to take it a couple of days, and I've been nauseous for an entire week, so I went and got a pregnancy test. I figure I should find out if i'm carrying your love child. Oh, wait, my mistake. Your like child."
A toilet flushes and Edie comes out of the bathroom holding a pregnancy test.
Carlos: "So? What does it say?"
Edie: "It's gonna take a couple more minutes."
She hands it to Carlos, then goes to the couch and sits down. Carlos places the stick on the coffee table.
Edie: "I just peed on that. For god sake, put it on a coaster. Ugh. This is just dandy. I'm forty, single, and knocked up. But on the bright side, the dad's not into me. Hmm."
Carlos: "Edie, if you are pregnant, I'm not gonna let you go through this alone."
Edie: "So what, you're gonna be my lamaze partner?"
Carlos: "No. I'm saying I'll step up. I'll be there to help you raise him."
Edie: "You serious?"
Carlos: "Hey, I was there practically every day to help you with Travers. What makes you think that I would do any less if it were actually my child?"
Edie: "Well, thanks. That's...nice to know."
Carlos: "You know...your spare bedroom...would make a great nursery."
Edie: "Yeah. I guess it would."
Carlos: "I mean, it's right down the hall from the master, so we'd be able to hear him when he was crying."
Edie: "We? You'd move in?"
Carlos: "I told you that I would be here for you. We could even decorate his room in, like, a whole pirate theme. I always wanted to do that if I had a son. You know what would be really cool? Decorate his bed like--like a--like a ship, with a sail and a mast--"
Edie: "Carlos? It's negative."
Edie: "Well, that's a relief, huh?"
Edie: "We really dodged a bullet. So...let's celebrate, have a drink. Oh, and by the way, you're still welcome to stay till you find a place."
Carlos: "That's nice of you. Thanks."
Tom and his friend, Scott, walk into the restaurant where Lynette is busy getting things ready.
Tom: "I cannot thank you enough for doing this. Thanks for taking the time out of your day."
Scott: "Yeah, Tom, I'm not sure this is the best approach. I mean, I've never done a session before where half of the couple didn't know I was a marriage counselor."
Tom: "We'll tell her...eventually. I just don't wanna scare her off. Hey, Lynette."
Tom: "Look who just walked in off the street--Scott McKinney. Remember? We pledged Alpha Tau together. I told you about him."
Lynette: "You won the beer pong championship?"
Scott: "You told her about that?"
Lynette: "Yeah, and then you threw up in the trophy."
Tom: "Well, that is far from his only accomplishment. He's got a PhD."
Lynette: "Oh, wow. Well, I'd love to chat, but I have cheese to grate."
Tom: "Honey, no, wait, please. I will do that later. I want you guys...to know each other. I mean, this guy...is my boy."
Later, the three of them are sitting at a table, Lynette and Tom close together, Scott on the other side.
Tom: "So, Scott got married the same year that we did. How's your wife liking Fairview?"
Scott: "Well, uh, her whole family's back east, so she--she kind of resisted the move."
Tom: "Really? So that was a source of conflict?"
Scott: "Yes. Well, all couples have their conflicts. I'm sure you've had your share."
Lynette: "Oh, sure, now and then."
Tom: "Emphasis on now.'
Tom: "Scott shared with us. We're--we're--we're going through kind of a rough patch."
Scott: "I see. Well, I'm sure it's something you will get through. The trick is to keep those lines of communication open."
Tom: "Boy. Easier said than done."
Scott: "So this rough patch...what--what--what would you say is the underlying issue there?"
Lynette: "Well, Scott, I'm not sure I would say, particularly not to someone I just met."
Tom: "He--he's just trying to help. If you ask me, I'd say it started when our manager, Rick, quit."
Scott: "Oh. Okay, and--and how did that make you feel, Lynette?"
Lynette: "I am not answering that. This is not a therapy session."
Tom: "But if it were, wh-wh-wh-wh--what would you say?"
Lynette: "Oh, dear god you didn't."
Tom: "What...didn't what?"
Lynette: "Okay, okay. Give it up, Tom."
Scott: "Yes. Yes, Lynette, I am a couples counselor."
Lynette: "Really? And what do you call this, ambush therapy?"
Tom: "It was my idea. Look, I'm just trying to get you to talk about what is going on. And don't tell me that nothing's going on!"
Lynette: "No, no."
Scott: "Good, good. All our cards are on the table."
Lynette: "Cram it! Okay, yeah, Tom, I've been unhappy lately. I am working through some issues, but that is something I need to do on my own. Talking about it doesn't help--not to you, and certainly not to Dr. Beer Pong."
Scott: "Well, I'm billing you for a whole hour, so, uh, is there anything else on your mind?"
SUSAN'S FRONT PORCH
Edie, Lynette, and Susan are talking on Susan's porch.
Susan: "I mean, I'm sorry, but this time, Gaby has just crossed the line, and I will not make myself sit through her wedding. Julie thinks I'm overreacting. You don't think I'm overreacting, do you?"
Lynette: "Yeah, a little."
Edie: "Absolutely not."
Lynette looks at Edie.
Edie: "What? She asked."
Lynette: "Look, even if Gaby is in the wrong here...and she--she is hugely, hideously wrong--do you really want to boycott her wedding?"
Susan: "She said that I would make Mike wish he was back in a coma."
Lynette: "I think her point--and again, I wish she'd express herself a little more tactfully-- was that marriage is unpredictable. We can't know what it'll be until we're in it."
Edie: "Don't defend that self-centered brat. She steals Susan's wedding and then expects to stay friends. She--she divorces Carlos and doesn't want anyone else to date him. You know, I've never known anyone as dishonest and manipulative."
Lynette: "Speaking of Carlos, I hear he got evicted."
Edie: "Yeah, that was a real shocker. Anyway, you stick to your guns, and don't you dare go to that wedding."
Lynette: "It could ruin your friendship. Are you willing to take that chance?"
Susan: "No, I guess not."
Edie: "Wuss. Well, at least get her a thoughtless, crappy gift, like a blender."
Susan: "I got you a blender for Christmas."
Edie: "And I use it every day. Gotta go."
OUTSIDE SUSAN'S HOUSE - NIGHTTIME
Susan takes a bottle of wine and is starting down the sidewalk when Gabrielle comes up to her holding a box of chocolates.
Gabrielle: "Honey, I am so sorry. I hope you don't hate me."
Susan: "I don't. I was just on my way to apologize to you."
Gabrielle: "Just so you know, I changed all my flowers."
Susan: "You don't have to."
Gabrielle: "The hell I don't. Those peach tulips belong to you...and so do these."
She hands her the chocolate.
Susan: "Thank you. I was just bringing you this."
Gabrielle: "Well, we got chocolate and wine.Your place or mine?"
Susan: "Oh! Well..."
Susan puts her arm around Gabrielle and they walk into Susan's house.
Later, the two of them are slightly tipsy as they drink their wine and eat the chocolate.
Susan: "I'm so glad we're doing this. I hate it when we fight."
Gabrielle: "Me, too, and I'm so sorry about that comment I made about Mike. It was way out of line. You guys are gonna be insanely happy."
Susan: "I think so, too. But, you know, then I remember, that's what I thought about me and Karl."
Gabrielle: "Please. Mike is not Karl."
Susan: "Well, you know, when I married him, Karl wasn't Karl. And I think that's why I got so mad at you. Because ninety-nine percent of me is sure that we're gonna be totally happy. But then what you said--it just stirred up that pesky one percent."
Gabrielle: "Honey, please. If anyone should be nervous, it's me. I met Victor three months ago. I mean, I'm crazy about him. It's just, the thought of saying those vows again? That's scary."
Susan: "Mm. Lynette is right. You know, marriage is like...it's like these bonbons. You never know what you're getting until you're in the middle of it."
She opens up a chocolate.
Susan: "It's one of those hard jelly ones. Do you think that's an omen?"
Gabrielle: "Honey, you're gonna be okay. All right? We're gonna help each other through this."
Susan: "Right. Yeah."
Gabrielle: "And getting married is scary, but at least we'll be doing it together. Oh, my god! We should totally do that!"
Gabrielle: "Get married together!"
Susan: "You and me? Oh! Well, I-I'm beyond flattered. I-I find you to be an incredibly attractive woman. I just--"
Gabrielle: "Oh! No, stupid. I mean, a double wedding!"
Susan: "Oh. Oh! Oh, I would love that!"
Gabrielle: "Yeah, and then you wouldn't be mad at me for the date, and I wouldn't feel guilty. And we could be brides..."
Gabrielle: "Oh, yes! Let's celebrate. More chocolate. And just so you know, if I was a lesbian, I'd totally do you."
Susan: "That's good to know."
THE NEXT MORNING...
Mary Alice: "It's a fact of life that brides-to-be who agree to double weddings late at night often feel differently come the dawn. This change of heart was certainly true in the case of Susan Mayer...and even more so...for Gabrielle Solis."
Victor: "Hi, honey."
Gabrielle: "I hope I didn't wake you last night. I was at Susan's till midnight."
Victor: "Is something wrong?"
Gabrielle: "No, not exactly. Just a...small change of plans about the wedding."
Victor: "What kind of change?"
Gabrielle: "See...Susan was really upset..."
Susan: "I mean, I've never seen Gaby so torn up with guilt."
Gabrielle: "Practically in tears over this whole wedding date thing."
Susan: "And she kept saying, please, let me make it up to you!"
Gabrielle: "So after an hour of this, I suddenly heard myself say..."
Susan: "Hey, how about a double wedding?"
Gabrielle: "Wanted to bite my tongue the minute it came out."
Susan: "She's so excited, so needy."
Gabrielle: "Jumping up and down and hugging me."
Susan: "I mean, what could I say?"
Gabrielle: "So we're kind stuck."
Susan: "So what do you think?"
Gabrielle: "I think anything that makes you happy is fine by me. Will this make you happy?"
Susan: "No. I'm screwed. I cannot get out of this without hurting her feelings."
Gabrielle: "Well, maybe this'll help...I forbid it."
Susan: "You do?"
Gabrielle: "Sure. Tell her that your groom's an old-fashioned guy and he doesn't want to see anybody on that altar but his bride. If she gets mad, have her take it up with me."
Susan: "So this is what marriage is about? Having someone to hide behind?"
Gabrielle: "So what do you think?"
Victor: "You're gonna have to undo this."
Gabrielle: "How? Look I know I shouldn't have offered, but I did. I can't just take it back."
Victor: "Well, you're gonna have to. Do you have any idea what this day means to me?"
Gabrielle: "I do, and I know you've worked really hard to make our wedding perfect."
Victor: "Exactly. Do you think I want to share it with your friend and her ex-convict fiance?"
Gabrielle: "That's your problem?"
Victor: "Gaby, I'm the mayor of this town. How's it gonna look? There'll be press there."
Gabrielle: "Press? At our wedding?"
Victor: "Well, we're public figures."
Gabrielle: "So all of this planning and attention to detail--that's all been about your image?"
Victor: "Of course not. Gaby, this is gonna be the proudest day of my life and I'm not sharing the spotlight with anyone."
Gabrielle: "How about the bride?"
Victor: "Oh, please. Every eye in that place is gonna be on you. Every woman will wish they were you. Every guy will wish they had you. It's gonna be great. Tell your friends you're sorry. Tell 'em I'll even pay for their wedding. But they're not sharing mine."
Edie is getting ready for bed while Carlos reads the classifieds in the paper.
Carlos: "Here's a one-bedroom at the Oaks with a view of the golf course. That's gonna go fast. You know, I'm gonna call on this first thing in the morning."
Edie: "Or...I know this is the last thing you'd expect to hear from me, but... What if you stayed here with me, and we tried to have a baby?"
Carlos: "What, you're serious?"
Edie: "Well, I saw the look on your face when that test came back negative. Admit it. You were disappointed."
Carlos: "Yeah, maybe a little."
Edie: "Well...so was I."
Carlos: "You were?"
Edie: "Yeah, I was. You know, having Travers here made me realize that I like being a mom. And you're so great with him. Well, think...we could have that all the time."
Carlos: "Edie, nobody wants a kid more than me. It's just..."
Edie: "Yeah, yeah, we're not head over heels in love. We like each other, right? I mean, that's more than a lot of parents have going for them."
Carlos: "It's...just a very big step."
Edie: "Carlos, look around. Everyone's taking big steps--Gaby and Victor, Susan and Mike. And this could be our step. And we both need to love someone. No one said it had to be each other. Just think about it."
Edie goes into the bathroom and Carlos looks at the nightstand where Gabrielle's wedding invitation is lying.
Carlos: "Let's do it."
Edie: "You really want to?"
Carlos: "Yeah. I'm tired of waiting for my life to start."
Edie: "Oh, Carlos! Imagine, with your genes and mine, that child is gonna be a knockout! I'm gonna brush my teeth, I'm gonna flush those birth control pills, and we're gonna get crackin'."
OUTSIDE SUSAN'S HOUSE - NIGHTTIME
Susan puts out the trash and sees Gabrielle getting out of her car. They walk up to each other.
Susan: "How are you doing?"
Susan: "Listen.We need to talk. I spoke to Mike, and, uh, he's just not really into the whole double wedding thing."
Gabrielle: "Mike said no?"
Susan: "Yeah, he sort of wants the day just to be about us. So we're gonna wait till the fall. I'm so sorry."
Gabrielle: "No. No, it's okay. Victor was kind of on the fence about it, too."
Susan: "Oh, good! I mean, not that they said no, just...'cause i really wanted to do it."
Gabrielle: "Me, too. I think it would've been so much fun."
Gabrielle: "Well, I gotta go. I'm gonna meet Francois."
Susan: "See ya. Oh, by the way...you know that one percent sliver of a doubt thing I told you about? Totally gone. Any question I had about Mike's been answered."
Gabrielle: "That must feel really great."
Susan: "Yeah. I feel really good about this."
Gabrielle: "I do, too."
Carlos: "Our friends are probably gonna make fun of us."
Edie: "Yeah, I'm sure. But who cares? It's gonna be great. I'm so happy we're gonna be living together. We're gonna have so much fun. I'll be right out."
She goes into the bathroom and shuts the door. She takes out her birth control pills, takes one of them, then puts the pills in a small compartment in her purse. She goes back into the bedroom.
Edie: "Okay...let's make a baby."
Lynette is reading in bed when Tom gets into bed. He lies on his side, propping his head up with his hand and stares at Lynette. She looks at him.
Tom: "I talked to my back doctor today."
Lynette: "What did he have to say?"
Tom: "He said, assuming I exercise reasonable caution I can have sex again."
Lynette: "And what would that have to do with me?"
Tom: "Well, you don't seem to want to talk to me these days so I figured it's the one thing that we can do together without speaking."
Lynette: "Remember when I was giving birth to the twins and screaming in agony because Porter was dragging my uterus out with him? Well, I was more in the mood for sex then than I am now."
Tom: "I'm your husband. I have to find a way to connect to you somehow. So we can have sex or we can talk. Your call."
Lynette: "Fine. Let's have sex."
Lynette: "Yeah. Let's get this off."
She pushes him roughly onto his back and straddles him. She begins tearing his clothes off.
Tom: "What, you would rather have sex with me than talk to me? Ow, that hurts."
Lynette: "I said I'd have sex. I didn't say I'd make love."
Tom: "Huh, you wanna play rough? 'Cause I could play rough. Cut it out!"
Lynette: "Sorry. I'll try to be gentler as I move down south."
She aggressively grabs at the front of his pants and he sits up, grabbing her wrists roughly to make her stop.
Tom: "Okay. Okay! Okay, fine! You are mad at me. But name one thing that I have done to deserve it!"
Lynette: "You had lunch with Rick."
Tom: "You're damn right I did. I saw the security tape. What was I supposed to do, pretend that nothing was going on?"
Lynette: "Nothing was going on! He never touched me!"
Tom: "And I wasn't gonna sit around and wait until he did! I am glad that I made him quit!"
Lynette: "You didn't make him quit! I fired him!"
Tom: "You what?"
Lynette: "The idiot told me he had feelings for me, which he never would've done if you hadn't pushed him, and now he's gone. It's all your fault."
She pushes at him and he falls back.
Tom: "My back!"
As he falls, they twist and Lynette lands on the floor, hitting her head on the nightstand.
Tom: "Lynette? Honey?"
HOSPITAL WAITING ROOM
Tom and Lynette are alone in a waiting room. They sit in separate chairs which are slightly apart from each other. Lynette is holding an ice bag to the back of her head. A nurse pokes her head into the room.
Nurse: "It'll just be a few more minutes, Mrs. Scavo. The doctor's looking at your CAT scan."
Lynette: "Thank you."
The nurse leaves.
Lynette: "This whole thing is ridiculous. I bumped my head."
Tom: "Lynette, you were dizzy and throwing up. You can't be too careful."
Lynette: "Well, I feel just fine now."
Tom: "When Rick said he had feelings for you, what did you say?"
Lynette: "I said that it was totally inappropriate, and then I fired him."
Tom: "Do you have feelings for him, Lynette? Do you have feelings for Rick?"
Lynette: "I would never cheat on you. You know that."
Tom: "That's not what I asked. Did you fall for him?"
Lynette's face starts to crumble.
Tom: "Oh, god."
Lynette: "Nothing happened. He's gone. It's over."
Tom: "Don't tell me that it's over. We've been fighting about this all week. You miss him, don't you?"
Lynette: "Don't do this."
Lynette reaches between their chairs and holds onto Tom's hand. He pulls his hand from hers.
Tom: "Not now. I can't."
The doctor comes in.
Doctor: "Mrs. Scavo?"
Lynette: "That's me. I'll be back."
Doctor: "Actually, I'd rather have you both come in for this."
The three of them walk into the doctor's office.
Lynette: "Is it a concussion?"
Doctor: "No, it's just a bruise."
Tom: "Well, good."
Doctor: "But I noticed something in your CAT scan that concerns me. You have a few swollen lymph nodes in your neck. I want to send you in for a biopsy."
Tom: "A biopsy? Why?"
Doctor: "Have you noticed any change in your appetite lately? Any fatigue, fevers, uh-"
Lynette: "Stop. Just...stop. What is it you think I have?"
Doctor: "I don't want you to panic. This can be any number of things."
Lynette: "Is one of them cancer?"
Doctor: "It could be lymphoma. We're hoping the biopsy will rule that out. If you look at the CAT scan...you can see this white area here stands out. These are called submandibular lymph nodes. Lymphoma can vary according to the type of cell that multiplies and how the cancer presents itself. There are two types--Hodgkin's and non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma."
Sitting in separate chairs, slightly apart from each other, Tom reaches over and takes Lynette's hand. He squeezes it tightly.
Parker is sleeping with the covers off.
Mary Alice: "From the moment we wake up in the morning till our head hits the pillow at night our lives are filled with questions."
Lynette comes in and pulls the covers up over him. He wakes up.
Parker: "Is it morning yet?"
Most are easily answered and soon forgotten.
Lynette: "Not yet, sweetheart. You go back to sleep now."
She kisses him and starts to leave. At the doorway, she turns around and looks at her sleeping children.
Mary Alice: "...but some questions are much harder to ask because we're so afraid of the answer. Will I be around to watch my children grow up? Am I making a mistake by marrying this man? Could he ever truly love me? And what happens when we ask ourself the hard question and get the answer we'd been hoping for? Well, that's when happiness begins."
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